14 funniest conversations I've had in Thailand
Living for almost 2 years in Thailand I’ve had some moments that cracked me up. Sometimes it is the language barrier, sometimes it’s the culture and sometimes it’s a Thai or Farang thing. I wrote down in which language the conversations were so you can see which are the language barriers situations. These are the 14 conversations/situations I remember and found worth mentioning, number 1 being the funniest.
14. Natural hair color
(In Thai) The hairdresser, while examining my hair : “Do you dye your hair?”
Me : “No.”
The hairdresser, while examining my hair more closely : “Wow that looks really natural!”
13. Farangs drink beer
(In English) On a morning market my husband to an old street vendor :“Do you have a bin?”
She nods and smiles at him.
He asks “Can you throw his empty ice tea out.?”
She nods, opens the fridge and hands him a beer with a wide smile.
12. Where did you find him?
(In Thai) Tesco Lotus cashier loudly : “Wow, where did you find him? Cause I see a lot of farangs here, but they are always old or fat or ugly or old, fat and ugly.”
Me : “Uh, I married him in Belgium.” looking awkwardly around to the Thai women with their farang men giving me a dirty look.
11. Smoked salmon pesto pasta
(In Thai) Me to the waiter : “Smoked salmon pesto pasta please.”
Waiter writes it down and goes into the kitchen the chef comes out of the kitchen and asks me : “Did you want salmon in you smoked salmon pesto pasta?”
Me confused : “Yes?”
The chef nods and disappears into the kitchen.
10. Making Merit
(In Thai) Monk : “Bless you…(I don’t really understand monks when they do their blessing)…” Pauses, looks at the clock, looks very serious at me and says “Now go home and cook for your husband!”
9. The orthopaedist
(In English) The doctor : “Did you fall on your knee?”
Me : “No.”
The doctor : “What were you doing?”
Me : “I was running when I hurt my knee.
The doctor : ”Ah you fall when you run?“
Me : ”I did not fall. I was running up and down a mountain.“
The doctor : ”Which mountain?“
8. The post office
(In Thai) The post office clerk talking easy and slow in Thai to me
The trainee to the post office clerk : ”Why are you talking so retarded all of a sudden?“
The post office clerk : ”She is a Farang.“
The trainee : ”Oh, I thought she dressed like that to find a farang husband.“
7. The sports bag
(in Thai) Cashier : ”would you prefer a new packed one instead of this showroom model?“
Me : ”Sure!“
Cashier : ”Sorry we don’t have those anymore.“
6. The moviestar delusion
(In English) I was taking pictures in Wat Tha Sung in my hometown when saw a group of foreigners.
The lady whom I approached : ”Ah you want picture with me!?“ getting into a selfy pose before I could even ask anything.
5. The Half Asian Problem
(In English) …continuing the previous situation…
Me all confused : ”No I wanted to ask you how you got here in Uthai Thani.“
The lady turning around to her friends : ”Qu'est ce qu'elle dit?“ , which is ”What is she saying?“ in French
Me switching to French : ”Oh, I can speak French too no problem. So I was wondering how you got to Uthai Thani, because we don’t see many tourists here.“
The lady staring at me and not answering my question turning once again to her friends and saying : ”Omg, you have got to see this, she is speaking French to me!“
4. Ice Tea
(In Thai) Me : ”Can I have a ice tea lemon please?“
Waiter : ”We don’t have ice tea lemon.“
Me : ”But you have lemon tea.“
Waiter : ”Yes.“
Me : ”And you sell ice.“
Waiter : ”Yes.“
Me : ”So still no ice tea lemon?“
Waiter : ”No.“
3. The vegetarian
(In Thai) Me : ”Fried rice with vegetables please.“
Waitress : "No Pork? No Chicken?” …she sums up everything vegetarians don’t eat and then finally “Only with vegetables?*”
Me : “Yes my friend is vegetarian.”
She writes something down while nodding. Five minutes later she arrives with fried rice with vegetables with pork on top of it.
Me : “My friend is vegetarian, she doesn’t eat meat.”
Waitress : “Yes, it’s only on top for decoration.”
2. 7 eleven sandwich
(In Thai) Cashier at 7 eleven : “Oh, you can’t buy this one!” talking a sandwich out of my shopping basket
Me : “Why?”
Cashier : “*I was going to eat that.”
1. Cold water
(In English) Me at the reception desk of our hotel : “*Is it normal that our water isn’t warm? The water is cold.” referring to the shower/tab.
Manager : “*Yes, if you put it in refrigerator.” and looks at me with a wide smile.
Hope you enjoyed these. Keep in mind that almost all these conversations ended with me smiling and just staring. I did not argue, raise my voice or get mad in any of these situations. I can not say I didn’t laugh in any of these situations, but I apologized and explained when I did. Just smile , mai pen ray (it doesn’t matter) and go with the flow!